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Why you shouldn't text your estranged spouse

Texting has improved our ability to communicate by leaps and bounds. However, as anyone who's even gone through a break-up knows, it can be our undoing.

Family law attorneys often tell their clients who are in the midst of a divorce to stay away from all social media - including texting -- particularly when it involves their estranged spouse. Besides costing you your dignity, some texts can hurt your divorce case.

There are a couple of types of texts you should definitely not send:

-- Angry texts: Don't tell your ex what a terrible spouse or parent he or she was or use the opportunity to say what you think of your in-laws. Don't give them ammunition to bring into court to show everyone how you are at your worst. Further, it's just going to escalate any conflicts you already have, may prolong the divorce process and potentially can be used against you in custody or visitation decisions.-- Vulnerable texts: It's normal to have moments of doubt and sentimentality while going through a divorce. However, communicating those to your spouse is just going to keep both of you from moving on. Further, if your spouse knows that you still have romantic feelings, he or she may use that to get more in the divorce than originally intended. Some estranged spouses believe they can have a sex-only relationship. However, it's essential to set boundaries -- emotionally and physically.

When you have children, it may be nearly impossible to avoid texting your spouse occasionally, and it's important not to do your communication through your children. However, you need to stick to the matter at hand. Keep a "just the facts" tone, as if you were texting a business colleague. If it's hard to do that, there are apps like OurFamilyWizard that help parents keep in communication about their kids' activities while minimizing personal interaction.

If there's truly a problem, such as with child or spousal support, let your family law attorney deal with that. That's part of their job. They can also likely provide advice and guidance to help you put down the phone when you're tempted to reach out to your ex.

Source: Huffington Post, "8 Texts You Should Never Send Your Ex," Brittany Wong, March 03, 2016

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