Divorce is a strange process, occurring at the intersection of one of the most personal experiences two people can share and many of the most complicated legal issues in the couple’s lives. Because of this strange combination of tensions, it is almost always an emotionally taxing experience.
This leads many couples to turn their divorce into an expression of everything that is broken in their marriage, making the process much lengthier, costlier, and emotionally draining than it has to be. Countless individuals experience the sudden realization several years after their divorce that they could have chosen to approach the process in an easier, more respectful way.
Even if you and your spouse are at odds on nearly every point, you can still achieve a calm, respectful divorce. The nature of your conflicts is not even that relevant. In almost all circumstances each spouse can choose how he or she responds to the other, and those choices can point in the direction of greater conflict or thoughtful resolution.
You can choose to keep your interactions civil, and you can choose to pursue fair compromises in every area of the divorce process. Even if you want to scream about how they don’t deserve it, it doesn’t have to be about them, it can simply be about you and what you deserve and the divorce that you want. You will almost certainly be glad that you chose the high road in the long run.
It’s fine to acknowledge that you are deeply hurt by your spouse or that the trust in your marriage is gone. These are normal experiences. They do not, however, demand that you act on your most petty impulses. Instead of giving into the temptation of a destructive divorce, consider ways you can cooperate with your spouse to achieve a better outcome for both of you.
Source: FindLaw, “Divorce: Easing the Strain on Children,” accessed Dec. 08, 2017