Catch your breath before rushing to date after divorce

Going through a divorce can make you feel like you just went a few rounds with Mike Tyson. It can knock the stuffing out of even emotionally hardy individuals. If the divorce was initiated by your ex and unwanted by you, the grief you feel is very much like what you’d feel if a loved one had died.

Still, it is human nature for people to couple. If you loved the intimacy and companionship of marriage, you may be longing to experience it again with another partner. Below is some advice for the newly divorced who want to dip a toe back into the dating pool once again.

Dump your baggage before embarking on a new relationship

If any future relationships are to succeed, you need to work through the grief you feel over the ending of your marriage. This is also a good time to do an honest self-assessment. Very few marriages end solely because of one partner’s actions or faults.

What was the reason for the breakdown of your marriage? Did you fail to listen, not honor your commitments or push your spouse away with icy silences or rage? If so, own your own “stuff” and take the time to work on these relationship killers before seeking love again. For many, therapy can be immensely helpful after a divorce. Your family law attorney may be able to recommend a good therapist.

Familiarize yourself with millennial dating

If you were married for many years (or decades), you may be like a fish out of water back in the dating pool. From speed dating to swiping left on potential suitors, it’s a whole new world out there. Don’t put up multiple profiles on different dating sites. You’ll only confuse yourself later wondering if that was the one from Plenty O’ Fish or Match.com.

Ask a younger friend or veteran of the dating scene to help you navigate online matches. Then, pick one site that seems geared to the type of partner you’d like to meet.

Keep it light and frothy at first

Especially if you have minor children, don’t be too eager to be exclusive and fold a new partner into your life. Moving too quickly can create all sorts of problems and confusion for all concerned. Any partner who won’t take it at your pace likely has their own issues to manage, so go slowly.