Some people end up being their own worst enemies when they’re going through a divorce. The emotions they’re feeling about their spouse and the breakdown of the marriage can get in the way of making decisions that are in their best interests — and, more importantly, their children’s interests.
It’s important not to let your anger or other negative feelings overtake your communications. When you need to discuss or decide something, stick to the topic at hand. Avoid discussing the past.
Shutting down and not communicating with your estranged spouse, however, isn’t the answer. The more you can talk over some of the issues you need to resolve, the less you need to leave up to your attorneys. This will cut down on time and legal costs. If you have children, you’ll need to continue some kind of communication about the logistics of parenting over two households.
Some couples seek joint counseling to help them communicate throughout their divorce — even if they didn’t go to marriage counseling when they were together. Divorcing parents can especially benefit from therapy. It can help them better co-parent their children.
You may dread the idea of sitting in a therapist’s office with your estranged spouse once a week or more. However, this is an important step in placing your children’s best interests ahead of your negative feelings toward each other.
Even if your spouse doesn’t want to participate in joint therapy, you may find that seeing a therapist on your own can still help you deal with your own feelings and learn how to better handle whatever negativity your spouse brings to your interactions.
Your family law attorney may be able to recommend a therapist or other ideas for helping you work with your spouse to resolve the multitude of issues in the divorce process.