When parents divorce, they often find themselves in need of a nanny for the first time. If you and your spouse are sharing custody of your children, it’s typically best to find a nanny who can work in both of your homes rather than have a different one for each home.
It’s also best for the two of you to choose a nanny together, to work out their schedule and determine how their fee will be divided. If you’re already having a mediated divorce, you may want to include the decisions around the nanny in your mediation. Even if you aren’t, you may to work out your nanny issues via mediation.
When choosing a nanny, it’s generally best to hire one who has experience working for divorced parents. Whether your nanny has that experience or not, it’s important to set some boundaries and guidelines. Even though your nanny shouldn’t be put in the middle of any family drama, they inevitably will find themselves in an uncomfortable situation occasionally and should have some guidance on how you expect them to handle it.
For example, your nanny should know your parenting time schedule. If one parent picks up the kids when it’s not their time, they should notify the other parent. If there are restrictions in your parenting plan about people you don’t want around your children or other matters, your nanny should know about them. However, it’s best for everyone if neither of you puts your children’s caregiver in a position where they have to “narc” on the other parent.
It’s also important to talk to your nanny about what is and isn’t appropriate to say to your children about the divorce. They may ask questions that they’re afraid to ask their mom or dad.
Make sure that your nanny tells you if they spot any signs that one of your kids is having issues dealing with their new family situation. Children often try to hide these things from their parents, so they don’t worry. Therefore, your nanny may spot behaviors that you don’t. Be sure they feel comfortable telling you about them.
Whether you and your co-parent are keeping a nanny who’s already part of your family or hiring someone new, your attorney can provide valuable guidance on negotiating issues that you will need to settle.